Insufferable Boy
by Hannielou
Summary: Another love/hate - what can I say? I'm addicted. Pretty basic plot, kind of my own private fantasy and hopefully with a fluff-filled ending. Enjoy and don't forget to review!
1. Dumbledore's Mistake

I wanted a Lily/James story where James was dashingly handsome, Lily was stunningly beautiful and they had a love/hate relationship that didn't take three hundred chapters to resolve.  I hope I've succeeded.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lily, James, the Marauders, Hogwarts and other various things you may recognize from JK Rowling's _Harry Potter series.  Please don't think I'm trying to steal her ideas; she's a brilliant woman and I love her writing, I'm just having a little fun._**

            It was a rather infuriating experience for Lily, sitting in Head Student/Prefect meetings beside James Potter, trying to settle arguments and run things fairly.  For one thing, she always disagreed with James, idiot boy, and for another, he never seemed to want to hear her opinion.  He would merely laugh and everybody else would laugh too, because James was god to them and whatever he did, they did.

            Oh, he _had matured in recent years.  He still had that annoying hair habit, but he wasn't quite so arrogant and every now and then he had a good word to say to Lily.  Not often, though.  Not often enough._

            Well, yes, actually, often enough.  Because she didn't want kind words from him.  She wasn't planning to see him after school was over.  He was probably going to be an Auror and she'd work at St. Mungo's and if their paths never crossed, so be it.  She didn't care.

            "Hey, earth to Lily!" James waved a hand in front of her face.  "We're supposed to be working on plans for the Holiday Ball, not daydreaming about me naked."

            "Get a grip," Lily replied, disgusted.

            "On you?  Certainly." James reached forward and grabbed her arm.

            "Let go!" Lily shrieked.  Luckily, they were in the Heads' joint common room, the one between their private Head rooms, and Lily was almost positive it was sound-proofed.  "Let's just get this over with."

            "Fine." James dropped her arm and unrolled a sheet of parchment _covered_ in Lily's perfect, tiny handwriting.  "So, these are your ideas." 

            "Yes," Lily replied curtly.

            "Christmas tree – that's given – and a menorah, I guess, since we can't offend anybody.  The mistletoe's a nice touch but I'm definitely scratching a classical ensemble.  We need something big and noisy and popular."

            "_You're_ scratching?" Lily asked.  

            "Well, yes." James looked at her.  "Are you sure you don't want to go out with me?"

            "Shut it," Lily cried.  

            "Alright, we'll discuss music." He cleared his throat.  "The ball will be loads more exciting if we have the Gremlins and Goblins or the Rockin' Centaurs, instead of some little classical thing with a piano and a harp.  That's dinner music, Lils, not for dancing."

            "Don't call me Lils," she told him.  "And we are _not having Gremlins and Goblins.  We had them last year, remember?  And even Dumbledore was holding his ears; nobody was dancing."_

            "Cool songs, though," James replied.

            "Let's compromise." Lily pointed to the item on her list.  "We'll hire a pianist for dinner and something slightly mellower, like the Unicorns or the Lovely Broomsticks or even the Ghosts.  They're not too bad."

            "The Unicorns," James said, wiggling his eyebrows.  "The lead singer looks kind of like you and since I love to stare at you –"

            "Would you shut up?" Lily screamed.  "Every day I put up with this and I suffer through it but now I'd just like to get this done and we can't even do that!  Have you heard of the NEWT's?  I'd like to work on some things for them, but I can't, because I'm spending all my time as Head Girl and none of it as a student!  Can't you just be a decent person, for once?" And she ran out of the room and into her own, slamming the door behind her.

            James stared after her.  That wasn't good.  The teasing had been playful – polite, even, and Lily returned with a slap in the face.  Maybe, just maybe, there had been a little too much.  Just a tad, mind, because the girl had brought it upon herself.  

            Suddenly, there was an odd tap on his shoulder, but when James whirled around, he saw nothing.  Only a glittering paragraph appearing in the air above the couch in Lily's handwriting.

            _You're a jerk.  Worse, perhaps, is that you don't realize it.  I'm going to Dumbledore to tell him this, because I think that we can no longer work together as Head Boy and Head Girl.  The Christmas Ball is in two weeks and we don't have a band.  Is that my fault?_

            "Damn," James said.  He grabbed his wand and raced out of the room.

* * *

            Lily walked into the Head's office quite calmly, considering that she absolutely hated her task.  She wanted Dumbledore to demote James and yet, inside somewhere, was a feeling that she'd miss him at meetings.  Somehow, she wanted Dumbledore to refuse her request.

            "Ah, Lily Evans.  Come in." Dumbledore pointed to the chair in front of his desk.  "Are you feeling well?

            "Yes, Professor," Lily replied.  "Thank you."

            "Well, as much as you love me, I'm rather inclined to believe that this is not merely a social call.  Is it, Miss Evans?"

            "No," Lily said, blushing.  "It's about James."

            "Ah," Dumbledore said, peering at Lily through his half-moon glasses.  "Your co-Head student.  James Potter, Head boy, Quidditch Captain, excellent student – that James?"

            "Yes," Lily said.  "I don't think we can work together anymore, Professor.  We were trying to plan the dance tonight and all James did was make rude comments or disagree with me.  He doesn't try at all and I'm terribly close to canceling the dance."

            "What exactly did he say?" Dumbledore asked.

            "Sir?" Lily said nervously.  

            "Lily," Dumbledore replied gently.

            "All right." The redhead took a deep breath.  "My mind was wandering – I'm tired, sir – and James told me that it wasn't time to daydream about him –"

            "Naked." James' bemused voice filled the room.  "Don't leave the juicy parts out, Evans."

            "Ah, Mr. Potter." Dumbledore beamed.  "Sit down, please."  Magically, there was a chair beside Lily's, the same wooden, straight-backed chair.  "Thank you for joining us."

            "No problem," James said, leaning his head back.  "So, what dirty lies has Lily been spreading about me this time?"

            Lily just glared at him, and turned back to Dumbledore.  "I'm willing to resign, sir, if that's what it takes to separate us.  Perhaps that would help the school, as a whole."

            "I'm sorry, Lily," Dumbledore said, "but I can't let you do that.  We don't just pick our Head Students based on grades or ability.  It's a difficult selection, and no substitute can fill either place.  That means that the two of you are merely going to have to try harder to work together and if that means compromising a little bit, well, it's high time you learned to do so."

            "But professor!" Lily stood up.

            "Calm down, Miss Evans." Dumbledore raised a hand and watched as the girl sat quietly back in her chair.  "Sometimes, it is best to befriend our enemies."


	2. How to Tell if a Wizard Likes You That W...

I wanted a Lily/James story where James was dashingly handsome, Lily was stunningly beautiful and they had a love/hate relationship that didn't take three hundred chapters to resolve.  I hope I've succeeded.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lily, James, the Marauders, Hogwarts and other various things you may recognize from JK Rowling's _Harry Potter series.  Please don't think I'm trying to steal her ideas; she's a brilliant woman and I love her writing, I'm just having a little fun._**

            Lily ignored James the next day.  By owl, she sent him a list of suggestions and written note, politely asking him to comment on her ideas – seriously.  She made her lettering firm and her words exact and she truly hoped that she would break through his thick skull.  

            The list came back, with some intelligent answers and a little note:

            _Lily-Flower,_

_Thou art my vision of perfection, of absolute beauty.  Wilt thou be mine dance for the upcoming ball?  I shall not enjoy it if thou doth attend to another gentleman.  Thou doest know – thou art required to attend.  Fare thee well,_

_Jamie _

_            Lily crumpled the note up, but it only straightened itself out and the ink only gleamed brighter.  Realizing he had placed a spell on it, she stuffed it into her underwear drawer without thinking and went over his list of suggestions._

            That evening was rare, for both Heads were in the Gryffindor common room.  Lily sat by the fire with a book, beside Hazyl Flaherty, her very best friend.  James was on the other side of the room, playing Wizard's Chess with Sirius, while Peter watched eagerly.  Remus was making up homework; last night had been the full moon.

            "So Dumbledore wants you to work together?" Sirius asked.  "Good for you.  Maybe you can convince her to go out with you."

            "Nah." James sighed.  "She's really mad.  We're doing this whole ball planning by owl, and she's being really stiff."

            "Did you ask her out?" Peter asked.

            "Yeah." James grinned.  "I worded it funny.  Like Shakespeare.  But I doubt she'll say yes."

            "Second choice?" Sirius asked.  "Knight to E-7" 

            "Probably Clarissa Lobotelle.  She'll say yes and she won't get too drunk and she's a pretty good dancer.  Who are you guys taking?  Oh, yeah.  Pawn to D-5."

            "I hate you," Sirius said, as the Pawn crossed diagonally to knock out his only remaining Bishop.  "Queen to F-6."

            "I don't have a date," Peter said miserably, "but Sirius does."

            "Yeah." The black-haired boy grinned.  "She's a Ravenclaw – Jessica Woolheart.  I met her on holiday last summer, in the Caribbean.  She's a year younger than us but she's amazingly gorgeous.  And easy."

            "Nice work!" James said.

            Lily liked to study James from afar.  Maybe there was something wrong; maybe_ she_ wasn't communicating correctly.  That seemed highly impossible, but Lily was ready to try anything.  The only thing she had come up with, so far, was that James was incredibly good-looking.  It was annoying, because if he had been just a little bit nicer, she would've responded to his nice with an emphatic yes and she would've felt really lucky, besides.  Except James wasn't nice to her and a date with him would be miserable.

            Damn.  This was a pretty pickle.  Actually, Lily had already received another invite, from Amos Diggory, but he was just a tad conceited and somehow not quite as handsome as James.  _Did I just think that?  No, she told herself resolutely, she would not think about James Potter naked.  __Oh, god.  She was definitely in a place she should not be – even thinking about thinking about the aforementioned Potter naked was absolutely disgusting.  How could you hate somebody and daydream about them in their birthday suit?  Maybe she was going mad.  It happened.  Her old Aunt Lulu – perhaps a witch, nobody knew – had gone mad, too, though later in life.  She'd hallucinated that some famous movie star asked her to marry him and then she thought she was planning a wedding – the last day of her short life she had been moaning about a wedding and then she actually said I do and fell right over, dead as a doornail.  _

            "Earth to Lily," Hazyl said, tapping her friend lightly on the shoulder.  "You're staring at James and I think he's noticed."

            He had.  He was preening, running his hands through his hair and straitening his robes, all the while staring back at Lily.  Quickly, Lily looked away, back toward the fire.    

            "I wasn't staring," she told her friend.  

            "Whatever." Hazyl pointed to her magazine.  "There's a quiz in _Teen Witch this month that you might be interested in."_

            Lily picked the magazine up.  The glossy page was titled, How to Tell if a Wizard Likes You _That Way.  A short question-and-answer session followed with questions like – "When he sees you, what does he do with his wand?"  The answers beneath that were hardly exciting.  A) He puts it in the pocket of his robe – smooth move; he doesn't want to risk jinxing you.  B) He holds it in his hand, but fiddles with it while you're talking – he's nervous and that means he __really likes you.  C) He holds it to his side as though he's forgotten about it – the excitement of you is making him forget about it.  D) He points it straight at you and yells a curse/jinx – you might want to find a new wizard, sister._

            "That's informative," Lily said dryly.

            "Well, maybe it could help with James.  Let's see…has he ever commented on your robes?"

            "No, Hazyl.  We wear the same black Hogwarts robes."

            "Okay.  Um, here's one.  Has he done any spells on you?" Hazyl pointed to question eight.  

            "Sure.  He's turned my hair orange, he's killed my cat and he's made several of my potions explode.  Oh, yeah – he's jinxed my homework about fifty times."

            "Oh." Hazyl's face fell.  "That's answer D. 'He only ever curses or jinxes you – obviously, this guy isn't looking for romance.  Try again, honey.'  Sorry, Lily."

            "I don't like him!" Lily shrieked.  "Why does everybody think I like him?" She picked up her book, glared at her best friend and walked quickly out of the common room, heading, one might assume, in the direction of her own private Head Girl room.

            "Hear that?" Sirius asked.  "Good time to make up with her, Prongs."

            "Yeah, I'm on it." James pointed to the chessboard.  "Sub for me, Wormy."  


	3. A Mere Pinprick

I wanted a Lily/James story where James was dashingly handsome, Lily was stunningly beautiful and they had a love/hate relationship that didn't take three hundred chapters to resolve.  I hope I've succeeded.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lily, James, the Marauders, Hogwarts and other various things you may recognize from JK Rowling's _Harry Potter series.  Please don't think I'm trying to steal her ideas; she's a brilliant woman and I love her writing, I'm just having a little fun._**

            Lily sat down on the couch in the joint Heads' Common Room and stared miserably at the fire.  She had always considered Hazyl an ally, but it seemed that she, too, thought Lily liked James.  Were they missing something?  Had they blocked out all those times Lily had complained about James?  Had they forgotten them, already?  _Maybe I'm making too big a deal out of it, Lily thought.  _

            "Hey, Lily." James opened the door.

            "Go away," Lily said.  "I want privacy."

            "How about your room?" James asked, "I always thought that was a pretty private place.  Unless there's something I don't know."

            "House-elves haven't made the fire up yet," Lily replied.  "So it's too cold to sit in there.  Why?  Do you mind?"

            "If you're going to be sitting here, then you can talk to me," James said gently, and Lily was surprised to realize that he sounded sincere.  In fact, he sounded like a human being for once and that left her quite speechless.

            It was only after a hesitation that she replied, "We have nothing to discuss."

            "Lily!" James said with a smile.  "I hope you got my letter."

            "Maybe." Lily shrugged.  "That doesn't mean I'll go with you."

            "Than what means you'll go with me?"

            "James Potter," Lily began, "you are absolutely nothing but a mere pinprick in my life that will eventually pushed aside by things far better and kinder.  Just because I had to spend seven years of my life with you is no reason to consider yourself, in any way, my hero, crush, boyfriend or otherwise.  Do you understand?"

            "God, Lily.  What do you want from me?" James pushed his dark hair away from his forehead.  "I'm not Superman.  I can't be Mr. Perfect, now can I?  But I'm willing to try at least, which is more than you can say."

            "You're always insulting me," Lily said stiffly.  "The ball – if we ever finish it – is going to be a pretty spectacular night and there is absolutely no way I'm going to spend it with some bozo who thinks he rules the planet!"

            "You know how many girls would die for that invitation?" James asked angrily.

            "Do I care?  That's all you think about: how people see you.  And then you assume that because a few see you as some Quidditch god, the rest of us do to! That's not how the world works, Potter.  Get a grip."

            "Look, Lily, I'm sorry." James didn't take the bait.  Lily sat there, for a minute, wondering if he hadn't heard the 'get a grip' or if he just didn't care.  If he really wanted to go to the ball with her.

            "Do you honestly think that you can convince me?" Lily asked.  "Who's to say that you won't dump me for some shapely blonde? Or that this isn't a bet?  Or that you want some favor, like that Transfiguration homework you keep failing? I know your track record, Potter, and I'm sorry, but I'm declining.  End of story."

            "Give me a chance," James pleaded.  "One night, that's all I want, and then I can show you that you're wrong."

            "Come off it," Lily said.  "We can't even plan the ball without argument.  I stand by my answer."

            "You're too uptight," James said, after a moment's hesitation.  "You need to have a little bit of fun, maybe, play around with some new ideas.  When was the last time you stopped thinking about exams and went out with a guy?  And I promise, I wouldn't dump you for a shapely blonde."

            "I went out with a guy last year," Lily said primly, pulling her shiny red hair into a ponytail.  "Amos Diggory and it wasn't really pleasant.  He's a snob, much like you, and I'd rather go stag.  Anyway, we have to make sure things are running smoothly during the ball."

            "Even better," James said easily.  "I'd hate to have to leave my date constantly to check up on things – we could do it together and nobody would be left alone."

            "It's not a business relationship!" Lily stood up.  "I don't believe I'll go to the ball, Potter, so invite your ditzy fifth-year.  I don't care!"

            "Lily, can I say something?" James took a deep breath.  "I've liked you for a long time – I've told you before – and I really, really want you to give me this chance to prove that I'm serious."

            "I don't know why I should trust you," Lily replied curtly.  "Every opportunity you tease me and laugh at me and call me names.  My god, James, we're supposed to be examples for the rest of the school – top students, all honors – and you go and make us appear like first years, squabbling over some jinxed homework.  Quite frankly, I don't know why you even bothered to ask me out."

            "Because I like you!" James said helplessly.

            "Let's end this conversation," Lily said firmly.  "We keep coming back to the same subject and I've already said several times: the answer is no!  I will not go to the ball with you.  Good night."  And, smiling politely, she walked into her now-toasty room to forget all about Potter.

            James was decidedly pathetic next to Lily.  He came to that conclusion late at night, still in the Head's Common Room, trying to finalize plans for the ball.  He sent letters to a famous pianist-flute-violin trio asking to book them for the ball, ordered the tree and mistletoe and made quite certain that there were plenty of lilies arranged for the table displays.  Even though the Heads' budget did not cover flowers (it was December, after all) James pulled a bit of his birthday money from last year and arranged them quite easily.  He wrote up a menu based on Lily's suggestion and sent it on its way to the house-elves.  He sent a finalized plan to Dumbledore.

            All that was left was Lily's reaction.  __


	4. Return To Sender

I wanted a Lily/James story where James was dashingly handsome, Lily was stunningly beautiful and they had a love/hate relationship that didn't take three hundred chapters to resolve.  I hope I've succeeded.

Enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lily, James, the Marauders, Hogwarts and other various things you may recognize from JK Rowling's _Harry Potter series.  Please don't think I'm trying to steal her ideas; she's a brilliant woman and I love her writing, I'm just having a little fun._**

            Lily woke up the next morning sleepy and upset.  Her eyes darted toward the clock – exactly two week s until the disastrous ball that she and James were planning.  Two weeks, and absolutely nothing had been finalized.  With a heavy sigh, she swung her legs out of bed.  Part of her wished to be back in the dorm with Hazyl and Celeste and Madelyn, happily anticipating the ball without worrying about decorations or music or anything like that.

            Quite firmly, she instructed herself to think of other things and managed to make herself acceptable, using her favorite hair-potion to smooth out her curls and finding an unwrinkled robe in her closet.  Finally, she pinned her Head Girl badge on and marched to the Great Hall.

            "Lily!" Remus Lupin, one of James' cohorts – a quieter, milder version of James, the mastermind behind quite a few of their more memorable tricks.  "Hi," he said, walking up.  "I heard you and James got in a bit of a row last night."

            "And?" Lily tried to keep conversations with the Marauders short.

            "Well, I wanted to know if there was anything I could do." Remus flashed a charming smile.  "James is a good friend of mine, but sometimes he's a bit overpowering.  When he wants something hard enough, he'll go to the ends of the earth for it and if you don't know how to deal with it, it can be tricky."

            "There is no trouble," Lily said.  "I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own self, thank you, and I don't need _you to help me."_

            "All right." Remus grinned.  "Just watch out for James, okay?  You could do him some pretty serious damage, if you try hard enough."  And then he turned down some passageway and Lily was absolutely positive it was secret, and he was breaking a rule, because when she appeared in the Great Hall, minutes later, Remus was happily chatting to Sirius and well into a piece of buttered toast.

            "Sleep well?" Hazyl asked as Lily sat down.

            "Don't ask." Lily reached for the eggs.  "I sleep and I'm happy and then I think about the ball and how _nothing_ is getting done and I feel so low and unhappy.  Do you think I'm depressed?"

            "I doubt it." Hazyl was busy spreading orange marmalade on a piece of burnt toast.  She was quite partial to that breakfast; she had it every day, never fail.  "Look, it'll all be over by Christmas Holiday, right?  So, you have another two weeks and life will be good."

            "Yeah, but it's going to be all James, James –" She stopped short as a small brown letter landed neatly beside her plate.  Curiously, Lily picked the letter up.  It was addressed to her in firm, neat handwriting: _Lily Evans, Seventh Year, __Hogwarts__School.  The back held no clue to the sender._

            "Maybe it's an invite to the ball," Hazyl said.  "It could be really romantic."

            "Right."  Lily tore the letter open with her thumbnail.

            _Lily,_

_Yeah, it's me.  James.  Look, I'm sorry I was so mean.  It was uncalled for and I made a few bad mistakes.  So I'm sorry.  Does that cut it with you?  I know you think that my feelings toward you haven't changed since first year, but they have.  They flipped upside-down, Lily, and I don't know what to think._

_The real purpose of this letter, however, was to forward the following ball plan.  It has been finalized and I've sent a copy to Dumbledore for authorization.  I've booked the musicians and even picked a couple plucky second years to decorate the Great Hall.  All you need to worry about is finding a dress – and a date.  So, here it is, one more time.  Lily Evans, will you please go to the Christmas Ball with me?_

_Yours very Truly,_

_            James Potter_

            "Well," Lily said.  "He's not going to get away with it."

            "He's planned the whole thing for you," Hazyl exclaimed, snatching the letter up.  "He's even sent a list to Dumbledore.  Now we can go to Hogsmeade and find some robes!"

            "Don't you understand?" Lily asked.  "I wanted to plan the ball.  I just didn't want to plan it with him in the background, making wisecracks and demanding some heavy metal wizard band instead of the traditional stuff.  I only get one chance to plan a ball, Haze, and this is it.  No more, sorry, missed your chance."

            James watched Lily.  It was a habit of his, really, this Lily-watching.  Anyway, this morning was especially important, because he got to see her reaction.  And reaction it was.  He had at least expected a smile or an exclamation of delight.  Instead, he watched her face go from upset to downright angry.  Well what did she want from him?

            "Can I speak to you outside?" Lily asked, grabbing at his arm.

            "Can it wait?" James asked.  "Peter, over here, was about to explain why it is impossible to transfigure a tree into a human, though you can perform the task with any mouse or giraffe or parrot."

            "Simple.  Trees are inanimate.  I need to talk to you." Lily tugged even harder.

            "Fine." James got up and followed her.

            "Oh, Lily!"  Amos Diggory approached the Heads with a beaming smile.  "Have you thought about my offer for the ball?"

            'Well, Amos," Lily said, casting a sly glance at James, "I think I'll accept.  Actually, I'd _love _to join you at the ball.  It would be a real pleasure.  However, if you'll excuse me right now, Mr. Potter and I have a few things to discuss, concerning the ball."

            "Oh, then." Amos' grin faded slightly.  "Well, I look forward to seeing you."

            "Certainly." Lily gave a gracious smile and led a fuming James out of the Great Hall. 


End file.
